Hate..

Love and hate are similar in being directed toward another person because of who he or she is. Despite this similarity, the two seem like polar opposites. Very often when we love someone, we want them to thrive. When we hate someone, we are more likely to wish they would suffer or at least change who they are. 

It happens in every intimate relationship, a moment when frustration or upset or disdain grows so large that the thought crosses the mind: I hate him / I hate her. Love and hate — they aren't opposites, and it's not a zero-sum game where the more of one means the less of the other. Both feelings can stir, as they inevitably do.

For many of us, "I hate my partner" triggers guilt or shame, a sense that we're doing something wrong or that something is wrong with us for feeling this way. "I hate my partner" can also trigger fear that the relationship is in serious trouble, or was doomed from the start. 

People who love one another don't feel this way, we mistakenly tell ourselves, not realizing that moments of strong dislike can occur even within the strongest partnerships.