Stonewaller...

 

Whenever my boyfriend and I get into a fight, he stops speaking to me. I am not talking about the I-need-to-calm-down-for-a-minute kind of thing people do. 

He full blown ignores me. I call his name, I ask him a question, I try to get his attention and he doesn’t even look up! It drives me crazy!  Sick of the Silent Treatment.

The scenario is usually that two people are walking separately, one complaining loudly and sometimes incoherently, and the other silently refusing to acknowledge their partner’s complaints.

Outdoors or indoors what’s happening is essentially the same: one person is stonewalling and the other is getting madder and madder because they are being treated as if they’re not there.

The person doing the stonewalling is probably “flooded” emotionally. Their blood pressure is up, stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol are surging through their bloodstream and they may even be caught up in the fight, flight or freeze response to stress. 

Stonewalling has a similar effect on the person who is making the complaints. Their blood pressure and level of distress also go up.

 “When that happens, it is impossible to continue discussing the issue at hand in a rational and respectful way; you’re simply too physiologically agitated to do so.”

So here we are. Just a thought.