You live for the moment and once each day is done, you pack it away forever and start the next afresh, which is the only way to feel free, in your opinion.
But, you’re scared of being seen as having emotional baggage.
You choke up and shut down in new relationships and think it’s “normal” but all it does is create distance between you and your partner and torpedoes any chance of a lasting love in the long term.
If you saw the boy, you’re probably a jubilant and wistful person at heart and love being around people. You don’t like being the center of attention but you also can’t go without being in a crowd of familiar faces.